Medical Student Wannabe

I know this will be a little be self aggrandizing but I just love how well these shots were put together. The contrast of the first picture. The pain that goes with sacrifice and a sense of fulfillment all together.

On a sidenote, I am currently taking my remedial classes. (It is currently summer here in the Philippines, and I would have to say, the whole country feels like a giant freakin oven) I am trying to rekindle the faith that I seem to be losing. I am having a hard time believing that I can be saved by praying. But I am struggling little by little. I just hope the Big Guy up there doesn’t get too frustrated with me. I am a very big mess and I am trying to untangle my life with prayer. I am believing that someone hears me and would “guide” me with whatever choice I make.

I only pray that everything goes well and that I continue being me without hurting myself or others, in that matter.

Anyway, I am now off to relive my past 2 school’s motto: ORA ET LABORA

Godspeed, guys!

So I need more time with my camera.

A lot of people ask me why I don’t go study photography and make it a serious career. Well, truth is, as Norah said: “I’m afraid I might not love it ~~(photography)~~ the same way if I work on it.” I love photography but I would love it to be like something of a needed distraction from something that I really want to do, which is medicine.

I am too fucking lazy for medicine and I actually do not understand why I can’t just leave and work. I AM a college graduate. I DO have a degree. So I don’t understand why I am killing myself with something that I am soooooooooo lazy to do. I love medicine. I want to become a doctor. I don’t know if I can but I am not going down without a fight. So yeah. Photography can wait.

Bacolor, Pampanga

These are old pictures from the lahar tragedy from waaay back. I was still quite young then but I remembered the gravity of the situation. I remember the heavy feeling of worrying for relatives back at Pampanga. God Bless everyone who got affected by the lahar.

# mt pinatubo eruption

# philippines

Friends are awesome. I sometimes think about why I’m so lucky. Do I deserve it? But I am so I am thankful. :)

Playa Laiya, Laiya, San Juan, Batangas

When you are in a post grad course like Medicine, a beach getaway is definitely well deserved. Masaya. You suddenly appreciate all the little things in life. Like combing your hair, like what Iza said. It’s not easy squeezing in a whole year’s worth of lectures in a night. Makes you think that 24 hours a day is just not enough. I am stressed free for a short while. I’ll take what I can get. Yay ~~Nay~~ Medschool!

Hindi ako marunong magalit.

I mean, I get mad. I just don’t know how to deal with things. What I mostly do, is just avoid talking to anybody. Let my head cool down.

I don’t even know why I’m telling everyone this. Eh. Well. Give me my camera. I want to take pictures. Summer, where the fuck are you?!

# personal

# photography

I actually look slightly decent in a dress. Hah. Who’d have thought.

# personal

# me

Inspire Me’s Ode To Orgasm Event at B Side, Makati.

January 10, 2012

“You go back to what you’re supposed to be doing.”

I am high. High on music and love and all the wonderful people around me. I was almost asked to say some stuff but I knew I wouldn’t be able to articulate everything as much as I would love to. BUT, I was high. I was inspired. It made me think about myself and how I treat all the bullshit surrounding me. I am thankful for my family and my friends and all the music that I listen to. Those are the things that get me high. Those make me, me.

I feel so lucky that it sometimes make me wonder why I deserve so much good. It sometimes seem to be all too much. Then I realized, everyone deserves to have too much good in their lives. Despite all the bullshit, you need something ridiculously cheesy like a friend or family or just your music. You need something to get shit through. You need to be able to go through the universe and yell out, “COME THE FUCK AT ME, BRO.”

So here I am. No quitting medschool. Being a better freakin person. Being a cheesy ass bitch to let everybody know that I am high on love. And now yelling to badass shit that is the universe,

“COME THE FUCK AT ME, BRO. GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT.”

I guess not a lot of people get it.

I guess not a lot of people get it. That I am this way with guys I like because I know that whatever the fuck it is that I think will not matter to them at all. And I’m not trying to down myself or anything. Being pessimistic is a lot different from being realistic. I have spent 22 years in this messed up world to be sure enough that when I like a guy, it’s either they just ignore it or if they acknowledge it, they say thank you. But I was never the girl that got asked out because of what I looked like. I’ve had boyfriends yes. But I consider all of those jokes. They weren’t real to me. It seemed real but they weren’t. I’ve had guys like me through text or the internet because of my personality and then when they see me for the first time, they bail out so fast it’s fucking ridiculous.

So excuse me if I act like a desperate fuck around guys and not being discreet about liking them. I mean, it’s not like they would mind really.

But I am not unhappy. Some days are good days, some not so much. But I’m taking it day by day. Having a change of attitude to alter my life. Being really fucking paranoid about shit. I get the fat acceptance thing and I’m glad I’ve been in Tumblr long enough to see the changes that the whole community has been kinder to fat people. But I know that I need to do something about my weight. Being a medical student, you study the physiology of our body and how complex it is that one thing relies on another thing for the whole body to function normally. So I am scared, of course. I will take action. I promise. Not for anyone. FOR ME.

Carpe Diem, BAMF.

# fat acceptance

# reality

# personal