Medical Student Wannabe

I guess not a lot of people get it. That I am this way with guys I like because I know that whatever the fuck it is that I think will not matter to them at all. And I’m not trying to down myself or anything. Being pessimistic is a lot different from being realistic. I have spent 22 years in this messed up world to be sure enough that when I like a guy, it’s either they just ignore it or if they acknowledge it, they say thank you. But I was never the girl that got asked out because of what I looked like. I’ve had boyfriends yes. But I consider all of those jokes. They weren’t real to me. It seemed real but they weren’t. I’ve had guys like me through text or the internet because of my personality and then when they see me for the first time, they bail out so fast it’s fucking ridiculous. 

So excuse me if I act like a desperate fuck around guys and not being discreet about liking them. I mean, it’s not like they would mind really. 

But I am not unhappy. Some days are good days, some not so much. But I’m taking it day by day. Having a change of attitude to alter my life. Being really fucking paranoid about shit. I get the fat acceptance thing and I’m glad I’ve been in Tumblr long enough to see the changes that the whole community has been kinder to fat people. But I know that I need to do something about my weight. Being a medical student, you study the physiology of our body and how complex it is that one thing relies on another thing for the whole body to function normally. So I am scared, of course. I will take action. I promise. Not for anyone. FOR ME.

Carpe Diem, BAMF.